Onee-chan, you're muddy...

Ever since I can remember, there's been a small sandbox in our yard.

It's ok. Mom will wash it off later.

Ok...

I would play there a lot with my sister, who was 1 year older.

My older brother hated getting his clothes dirty.

So he didn't play outside that much.

But we were still very close.

I loved my brother and sister.

Look, look!

Hey, this is good, right!

The year that my sister entered middle school, I finally grew taller than her.

My Lost Diary First Part

Nee-chan, you forgot your scarf.

Put it on me, put it on!

Starting tomorrow, you'll have to put it on yourself.

I know that!

Saeko, can't you put on your uniform by yourself?

Onii-chan, let's go to school together tomorrow!

Ok!

I'm fine with that, but since you've always gone to elementary school together with Kazuki, will he be fine with it?

Ah

I-I'll be fine.

I can go to school by myself, even if you're not there.

Really? Do you want Onee-chan and Onii-chan to go with you half way?

I'll be fine.

Are you sure? Will you be able to pass by the Konno family's dog by yourself?

I said I'll be fine...

If anything happens, call either Mom or me.

I said...

Kazuki, you'll enter middle school in another year, but until then, everyone will be worried about you. Because you're still a child.

A child...

Eventually, I'll grow even taller than you...

Hahaha

Oh, sorry, sorry!

It felt like Onee-chan suddenly grew up.

The first time I saw her in her uniform,

I can't really explain it, but...

Some sort of confusion was born.

As the years passed, that confusion grew bigger and more distorted.

I entered my 3rd year of middle school.

My sister entered her first year of high school.

I'll be a little late today.

Eh, why?

Hey, don't ask that.

Eh?

Hey!

I'm just going shopping with a friend!

Ohh~

Hey! It's the truth!

You mean that boy in your class that you were walking with before?

Hey

That was to go shopping for the cultural festival!

At that time, the confusion inside of me,

Definitely,

Turned into an uncomfortable feeling.

Ah~, I want to have plastic surgery~

I want to increase the height of my nose. But it's so expensive.

What kind of stupid things are you talking about?

You wouldn't understand, Kazuki.

Eh, do you seriously want plastic surgery?

Yeah... It's not like... I just thought that.

Stop it. What would you do if it left a scar?

You might have it for the rest of your life.

Why are you so worried about me? It's weird...

Fine.

I won't say such stupid things anymore.

...I'm not worried... or anything... N-Nii-chan would also... say the same thing... I think... I think!

But Onii-chan and I have eyelashes like Dad.

You're lucky. You have eyelashes like Mom.

Huh? That's so trivial...

Fine, you can have my eyelashes. I don't need them.

In exchange, you'll get my frizzy hair.

It's a real pain on rainy days.

Anyway, even if you don't get my eyelashes...

Wah! You surprised me.

Hey.

Don't move.

Eh, what?

What?

Really, you're the only one not like us.

I wonder why?

Stop messing up my hair.

It didn't change much.

That's because your own hair is straight.

Don't say that. Don't be jealous.

You're the one who's jealous!

Fufufu

Stop it!

Her hand

Her hands were now smaller than mine.

There weren't any flabs of fat around her stomach.

Instead, her waist shrank like a crushed can.

Her rounded shoulders had bones sticking out, and her back was slender.

It felt like she was filled with blubber inside.

I was scared of being touched by her.

And I was scared of myself being scared of her like this.

Where did Saeko go?

The bath.

I see.

Saeko!

Eh? What?

I don't know!

Didn't you have it?

Wasn't it Kazuki?

Eh?

Kazuki, did you have my dictionary?

Ah... I already put it back on your bookshelf.

The bookshelf! I only looked on my desk. Thanks.

She got mad at me when I suddenly opened the door.

Of course she'd get mad.

What are you watching? A drama? What's today...

I dunno. This is what was on when I turned on the TV. It's pretty interesting.

Saeko takes such long baths. I want to hurry up and go to bed.

Ummm...

Ah, no, nevermind.

It's nothing.

What?

N...

Can I?

Mmm...

Is it about Saeko?

Eh, what? Why?

Well, Kazuki, lately... Haven't you been cold towards Saeko?

Did she say something to you?

She's worried too. But...

Ah, what are you watching?

Is it the new drama? Who's in it?

I don't know. Kazuki had it on.

Come over here. You're getting floor wet, so I'll dry your hair.

I'll dry soon, so it's fine.

Mom will get mad.

Kazuki, you can take a bath.

I'll take one tomorrow morning.

Good night...

Good night...

For just an instant,

I saw Nee-chan biting her lip.

It was an old habit of hers.

I had heard once that

She would do that when she's sad because things aren't going her way,

And she's annoyed with herself.

Kazuki, someone from the next class...

Eh?

Me?

Well, I don't know, but they're calling you.

What?

Well...

Eh?

Who?

I don't know her.

Whatever, just go.

Eh... Who? Seriously...

What?

Ah

Whoa... Umm, I'm... Sorry...

Eh, ah... I see. I'm sorry for suddenly...

...Do you have someone else that you like?

......Not really.

The girls in my grade seemed really young.

What was it?

Mm... Nothing...

Every time I would hear about who was dating who, and that sort of thing, I would think hmph.

When I was confessed to, my heart was racing, and of course I was happy.

But that was all.

I started thinking about my sister a lot.

For some reason, when I thought of her, I would get really annoyed and feel sick.

Oddly, the area around my lungs hurt.

I guess I hated my sister?

Such a kind and innocent sister...

Ah

There were days when I felt feverish and wanted to scream.

And then on one of those nights, this happened.

Don't tell Dad, ok?

Ok?

Ok!?

I'm home.

Onii-chan, you're definitely going to tell him.

I said I won't.

Really? Really?

What are you doing? You're being really loud.

Well, Saeko...

Can I tell Kazuki?

Eh... I guess telling Kazuki is ok...

Saeko has a boyfriend.

Eh, really?

Yeah...

Wow, that's great.

Really?

Yeah.

Gradually, my sister and brother's voices grew distant.

I might have replied with something,

But I don't really remember.

In any case, that night,

I didn't have any dinner,

And went to sleep still wearing my uniform.

I woke up in the middle of the night.

Since I was really thirsty,

I went down to the kitchen in the darkness.

The creaking of the old stairs when I stepped on them was somehow similar

To the sound of something inside of me moving each time I saw my sister.

I turned the faucet and water came out.

I drank more of the slightly warm water than I needed to quench my thirst.

It was just like my own unclear consciousness.

I wasn't annoyed like I was before.

Instead,

The place where that feeling used to be was now filled with up by something else.

Kazuki?

I heard something clanking, so I woke up.

If you're going to sleep, change your clothes.

I had recently found that it was something like the confusion I've felt ever since I was a child.

Ok.

Are you feeling ill?

Nah.

Kazuki

I'll change my clothes.

That's not what I mean.

Well, do that too.

You don't seem to be your normal self.

That's not true.

Saeko's worried about you too.

Don't say anything to Nee-chan?

...Ah!

It was

I have someone I love...

Just kidding.

Just like love.