A valentine? Chocolates like these will suit you fine.

I'm nice so I'll give them to you.

These are actually chocolate handmade by me and disguised as retail chocolate! But there's no way you'll be able to tell.

I'll also do something nice for you since you're so pitiful.

Brand-name chocolates, which I'm sure you don't recognize.

Or so they look! But your unrefined palette will have no chance of telling they are really chocolates I spent all night making.

Even just touching these makes me feel dirty, so I guess I'll just put them in this bag.

Just looking at this fills me with disgust so I'll hide it in here.

I wonder if I should find them a good doctor...